Am I an almond mother? How not to change the body makes your children

I have never heard of the term “Mrs. Almond.” When my colleagues joked to call me one, it sounded very silly.

I examined the origin of this term. It starts from a TV program clip The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. When a model complained to his mother that he was weak because of starvation, the mother told him to “eat a few almonds.”

My response: That’s not me! I hate told to eat anything a little. I am basically maximum. I can’t bite just a bite. And I never advised my children to do something different.

But then I dig a little deeper. Things -things hit a little closer to the house.

Definition of Almonds

I learned that an almond mother is not necessarily someone who immediately tells their children to eat less and lose weight. Conversely, this type of parent tries to help their children become healthy. They criticized additional cookies on a plate or waist that grew from neighbors not to embarrass anyone. They have just been taught to appreciate size as a health indicator.

Who hasn’t?

Most of us might be able to prove that beliefs are at least in some points in our lives. That’s because we live in a society that is dominated by diet culture. We are all products from the world that really judges people in appearance, tightening thinness. Eating disorders are abundant because so many of us feel pressed to adjust to unrealistic ideals of what we should be seen.

Parent Trap

As parents, we model behavior and communicate values ​​to our children all the time, consciously or not. Of course we did. We were trained by our own parents. We grow up, think we will avoid doing everything our parents do. But then we become parents and, at a certain point, we repeat the cycle that we swear. “I have turned into my parents!” We might shout, horrified.

This is what I feel. I know I need to examine myself, because I know I have been influenced by someone who is 100% suitable with the definition of Almond’s mother: my own mother.

My own almond mother

My mother is well intention. He wants me to avoid the mockery he experienced as a teenager who was overweight. The goal is protective. He told me all the time how I was beautiful and perfect. He never wanted me to feel ashamed about my body.

The problem is, he is not good at hiding his own body shame. He and always on a diet. Atkins, juice, fasting is cut off, heavy observer, keto: he does everything. When he limits calorie intake, I follow. I remember dinner cool whip and fat -free crystal lights. Or I will dig a peanut jam jar if I starve, while he is a gelatinous microwave from Jenny Craig knowing.

We exercise too. I remember doing Jane Fonda’s exercise at elementary school, feeling burns. Then we tried to get bread and stomach steel. The thin fashion model leads us in aerobics on our small TV screen, and my mother and I are connected, sometimes laughing at our pathetic movements.

That our sad efforts to force our bodies to behave never work not to prevent him. At least we are ‘trying.’ That is the biggest criticism launched by mothers in people who are considered overweight – ‘They don’t even try.’

He taught me to try.

Our bodies, our children

Research shows that how we think and talk about the body and food we can affect our children. That includes their self -esteem, self -image, and overall health. According to one study, children aged 5 to 8 years “who think their mothers are not satisfied with their bodies are more likely to feel dissatisfied with their own bodies.”

My mother never tried to make me feel bad about what I ate or how much I was. But he did expose me in the battle for life that he did against his own body. This is a war he never won.

Why Be A Mother Almond has a problem

Acting like Almond’s mother can have a long -term impact on your child.

1. Food is an emotional trigger

By making comments like “Are you sure you need seconds?” Or “This is a cheating food,” Almond mother normalizes the idea that food is “bad” or “good.” This labeling gives birth to feelings of guilt and shame around food.

2. Mental health consequences

Research shows that children who are exposed to diet culture at an early age are more likely to develop body image problems, irregular eating behavior, and even full eating disorders. These problems can hurt your child mentally and physically. They often last until adulthood.

3. Lower self -esteem

When parents emphasize thin or visible in a certain way, a child can feel that their values ​​are related to their appearance. This can affect their confidence and contribute to their own negative self-talk.

Things that Ms. Almond said (and what what really means)

Even the best parents can turn into almond mothers. Knowing these patterns is the first step to free themselves.

1. “Are you sure you need seconds?”

What the children hear: “There is something wrong with wanting more food.”

Why is it dangerous: it introduces the idea that children must not trust the hunger of their bodies. They learn that hunger must be ignored. When they listen to their bodies, they feel guilty.

2. “I’m very bad because of this eating.”

What the children hear: “Eating certain foods is wrong, and I feel ashamed.”

Why is dangerous: this strengthens the idea that some “bad” foods and should only be consumed with guilt.

3. “I spent lunch today to make up for dinner.”

What is heard by children: “Passing food is an acceptable way to regulate weight.”

Why dangerous: missing food can hurt your relationship with your food and physical health. Say this around your child’s model of unhealthy behavior.

4. “I have to go to the gym to burn last night.”

What is heard by children: “Sports is a punishment for eating.”

Why is it dangerous: attitude in this phrase eating as something you have to pay, as if it is a sin or mistake. It makes sports a kind of upheld requirement, rather than a way to feel strong and energized.

5. “Do you really think you need that snack?”

What the children hear: “Eating snacks is wrong, and I judge your choice.”

Why is it dangerous: feeling that it is considered about eating can cause children to hide their food and cause irregular eating habits.

6. “I hope to lose the last 10 pounds.”

What my children heard: “My values ​​and happiness depend on my weight.”

Why is it dangerous: this teaches children to focus on their shortcomings rather than celebrating their bodies for what they can do.

7. “Your teacher will definitely add to the weight of this summer, right?”

What is the child heard: “You are considered bad or good based on your body shape and size.”

Why dangerous: children learn to assess their own values ​​and values ​​and others based on appearance. The stigma that is internalized around body weight can cause a lack of self -acceptance and self -esteem.

Am I almond-y?

I can look back at the maintenance of my daughter, now 19, and see that I also say things similar to the quote above. I do not inherit all the standards of beauty that hates myself and is impossible for my mother. But I have complained about my Poochy’s intestine. I’ve been on a diet and miss food. I have attacked a mirror that shows my pants failed zip. And I certainly define Junk Food as a bad thing.

I don’t know that I can cancel the damage that I have caused to my daughter. But I can definitely change the way I talk about myself in front of him ahead.